Now, you’ll find some people mocking Kline’s French accent but that’s because they don’t know what the hell they’re talking about.
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Which prompts people who came to maturity in the digital age to ask the inevitable follow-up, what the hell is French Kiss? This is a movie made by none other than Lawrence Kasdan, I respond, the auteur behind the greatest erotic thriller ever made, Body Heat, and yes, he was working off somebody else’s script (Adam Brooks), a script commissioned by Meg Ryan as a vehicle for herself, and Kasdan seems to have taken the job at least in part because he was exhausted from making Wyatt Earp and wanted a vacation in France with some friends, but this is also one of the prime works from an under-appreciated artist-muse relationship, the one Kasdan had with Kevin Kline, who appeared in four Kasdan pictures, most memorably The Big Chill, but most brilliantly, many believe (read, again, me and Franny), in French Kiss. It’s been a while since I saw it, but generally when asked to rank 90s rom-coms, and I’m asked that more frequently than you might think, I put it in the top five. There’s a sensational blue dress involved, diamonds on the neck, moonlight on the cheek, a waft of terroir, and a great soundtrack helping them along. But then, you know, Kate and Luc realize that they were meant to be together. Down in the south, Kate uses her newly-learned French tricks to catch her fiancé’s eye, while Luc seduces the French woman who took the man away in the first place. There’s another really lovely scene where Luc shows Kate his curio cabinet of dirt. Here he reveals that he needs money and/or gems in order to buy back his family’s vineyard, or part of it, from his oafish brother. They travel to the south of France in pursuit of same, and along the way stop off in Luc’s hometown in a wine-producing region.
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He decides in a very French and chauvinist way he’s going to teach her how to compete with French women and help her get her milquetoast Canadian back.
He’s expecting to boost them back out of her purse outside, but for some reason, I forget why, it’s more difficult than that, and they get thrown together on a whirlwind journey. At the airport on the other end, Luke puts his stolen diamonds in Kate’s handbag, guessing correctly that she won’t get stopped by customs. This man, this rake, this rogue hustler, is Luc Teyssier, played by Kevin Kline. It’s a weirdly sweet gesture, and an all-time fun meet-cute. Next to her on the plane is a rakish, somewhat boorish man in a leather jacket who purposefully distracts her with his obnoxiousness so that she won’t freak out during takeoff. Kate has a crippling fear of flying, but she books an Air France ticket to go get her man back. The milquetoast Canadian is played by Timothy Hutton and he goes off to France for business, as Canadians sometimes do, and there meets a beautiful young woman and dumps his wonderful fiancée, whose name I’m now remembering to mention is Kate. It has to do with his family, and her wanting to be a part of it. Meg Ryan plays a woman engaged to a milquetoast Canadian and for some reason she desperately wants to become a Canadian herself. I’m going to assume some of you saw this movie, because it did pretty well on first release ($100+ million at the worldwide box office) and had a good run on cable thereafter, but I’m also going to assume you haven’t seen it as many times as I have (only my sister, Franny Murphy, can make that claim), and in any case, as I said, it’s not available anywhere online and hasn’t been for a while, so probably we could all use a refresher. Sometimes the level of detail may strike you as absurd. Which reminds me, a quick disclaimer: I’m just going to be going off memory as I describe the movie. It may be a picture perfect representation of the phenomenon known affectionately as the “90s rom-com,” but it’s also a solid crime caper about a jewel thief trying to get his loot back after a blundered smuggling episode with a charming neurotic. Why are you reading about this on a site dedicated to crime fiction? Well, glad you asked.
As in nowhere, not on any major streaming services, not as an individual title available for purchase on Amazon, not On Demand, nowhere, gone. It’s Day 362 of my lockdown and French Kiss still isn’t available to stream anywhere. It was going to be a feel-good story with a happy outcome, or at least a few answers, but here’s the thing, I don’t have any answers. I had a plan for this piece, which has been simmering inside me for quite a while. I’m just going to write from the heart here.
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